锘? Exhausted one morning after an 8-hour sleep Brandon Bollig Flames Jersey , I tried to convince myself to get up. I didn't want to move -- not because I was snuggled comfortably in a cozy bed, but because the thought of hoisting myself up and lumbering on sore feet to the bathroom was more than I could bear. At 331 Pounds I Was Miserable Two years later, I am sore and reluctant to get out of bed for a different reason. I took a cardio kickboxing class yesterday that kicked my butt. And I loved it. In fact, today -- now that I am up and moving -- I am disappointed I won't be able to go to the gym. We had a foot of snow last night and I am going to shovel the driveway instead. Shovel the driveway! And I want to. I'm Not the Woman I Used to Be The physical activity I can do now is a constant reminder that I am not the woman I used to be -- I am 190 pounds lighter for one thing. Nonetheless, I have aches and pains. I'm 47, I still have some arthritis (though not as much), and I am getting into shape TJ Brodie Jersey , which means pushing my limits a bit each time I exercise. But the soreness doesn't make me mad anymore. When I first returned to exercise after a decade-long hiatus, I felt annoyed when I experienced pain. It reminded me of my obesity and of how uncomfortable I had been day after day, year after year. Even after losing 100 pounds, my resentment was triggered every time I exercised. I resented being forced to exercise, because that is how it felt. Forced. The mental baggage I had in the area of exercise was huge. I Had to Overcome My Exercise Resistance I didn't want to be obese anymore. One of the ways I had decided to combat my obesity was to live differently after weight loss surgery. That meant I challenged myself to exercise even though I didn't want to. I embraced the saying: If you keep doing what you've always done, you're going to keep getting what you've always gotten. I knew I would have to change my attitude about exercise (although secretly I feared this was an impossible feat!). I Hired a Personal Trainer Based on my past experience with personal trainers I was not thrilled to be doing it, but I knew I needed help with accountability. Private personal training was too expensive for me Sean Monahan Jersey , but I did it for a few months anyway -- long enough to realize I was capable and to find a few exercise tools I liked (for example, the exercise ball and tubes). My Trainer Was a Saint I didn't push myself, and my trainer didn't push me either. She was an abuse survivor (which I didn't know when I hired her) and seemed to understand my resistance and fear at a very deep level. When I would get angry about an exercise that felt too hard she would say things to me like, "Katie, I need you to be here with me now. This is not your childhood. You are an adult woman choosing to exercise so that you can maintain your muscle mass as you lose weight. You are choosing this." Those words were very helpful to me. They helped me realize my negative feelings about exercise were going to pop up from time to time, but that I needed to work on not letting them dictate my actions. It Hasn't Been a Perfect Process I quit using the trainer. And I just couldn't motivate myself to exercise alone after I did that. I felt guilty and afraid I would start to regain the weight I'd lost. Thankfully, I heard about a "Back on Track" exercise class Sam Bennett Jersey , and I held my nose and signed up. I knew I needed to keep trying. At first, I didn't like the class. I was sore for two weeks after the first session, and true to form, I got angry about that. But I dragged myself back, because I liked my classmates and I knew I needed to exercise if I wanted to maintain my weight loss. I also liked the class trainer, who had a booming voice. He'd boom silly things like, "Put your feet in the air like you just don't care." We all laughed. And I survived. Okay Rasmus Andersson Jersey , I thrived. Through all of this I maintained my gym membership and recently the Back-on-Track trainer challenged me to add cardio to my workout regimen. I knew he was right, so I decided to sample the variety of classes at my gym. Taking Risks at the Gym The cardio-dance class was beyond me. All the fancy moves made it hard to keep up and I felt too awkward. I guess I wasn't ready for that. Surprisingly, I preferred the cardio kickboxing, because at my gym they didn't make it too complicated. Just powerful -- and I loved that! I also tried yoga. I'd always thought I'd like yoga, but I had an experience recently (during my third yoga class) that I hope I never forget. Healing my Shame with Yoga I had attended two yoga classes before the one that really moved me. My first class was the day after I tried cardio dance for the first time. I think I was depleted. I'm not sure I had eaten enough calories that day given the amount of exercise I had done. And the yoga just felt awful. Partly, I was envious of the other people in the class who looked slim and comfortable in their skin. I felt dumpy and embarrassed in my exercise clothes. While no one stared, I was sure people were judging me about something. My big butt Oliver Kylington Jersey , my wobbly arms, my folds of skin, my age, anything negative I could come up with. I was sad realizing I had an older body now, and the last time I had done yoga (years ago) I had been more flexible. Yes, I was grieving the younger body I lost to obesity and time. To make matters worse, I now had very poor balance Mikael Backlund Jersey , still trying to compensate for the huge body I no longer had. The Second Class Was Better I can't say I loved it, but I felt better than I did the first time -- not so awkward and not so focused on how my droopy body looked in my exercise clothes. I was able to balance on one foot for a few seconds. Progress. To get ready for my third yoga class, I shopped for a new exercise outfit. I didn't try it on at the store. I just pulled a "medium" off the rack, knowing it would fit -- and probabl.